What I Learned From the Pain of Heartburn

When I was in high school, it was my dream to attend college in Florida. I came from a lower middle class midwestern family and I was the first to go to a four-year university. I was incredibly motivated to do anything and everything I needed to do to make this dream a reality. My mother tried to stop me many times due to her own fears but my intuition was screaming “do it anyway”.

It led me to going to school at night to become a nail technician while attending high school. During that time, I was also preparing to take the ACT, filling out endless applications, financial aid paperwork and registering for courses.

College was exactly what I needed to grow in many ways and I enjoyed the experience. I succeeded and graduated from college, but I was completely stressed out and angry. I was under a lot of pressure to complete the degree because I took out loans to pay for the education and most of the costs of attending. I had insomnia and didn’t understand why. Seeing a counselor or therapist was not a mainstream idea at the time and I had no clue about how to resolve the issue.

I graduated with a business degree and a minor in marketing. There was one thing that was clear to me. I didn’t want to work a 40 or 50 hour work week trying to get people to buy things they don’t need. My intuition found a way to tell me to apply to massage school, even though it made no sense to my peers or family.

Massage school helped me relieve the stress of the pressure of college. I was already working at a luxury resort and was able to increase the variety of tasks and my income by being both a nail technician and massage therapist. I even chose to move closer to work to avoid the hour commute and take some of the daily stress off of myself. Unfortunately, the pressure and stress had built up and even though I had great ideas and intentions, my body was showing the truth.

I went to a doctor and was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I took medication and it didn’t work. None of my symptoms went away, especially the fatigue. I also started to have severe heartburn. I ended up quitting the job I loved to move home so that I could rest. I was not happy. I was unmotivated and having additional severe symptoms. I had health insurance and I started to see specialists. I went to endocrine specialists and gastroenterologists. I had an endoscopy and esophageal ph monitoring test. I ended up with another prescription medication and very little relief.

I met my future husband and moved in with him. My symptoms changed and I experienced additional physical symptoms. I saw more doctors and began trying alternative medicine. Nobody had any advice that actually worked. Eventually, the acid reflux pain was so bad that I reached out to god and said “I will commit suicide if this pain does not stop. I cannot take it anymore”. The pain stopped, but the root cause lived on.

After decades of physical and emotional symptoms, I look back at the young woman I was with great compassion. I think about how she tried to do the right things. How she went to doctors and spent all of her disposable income on paying her medical bills and dabbling in alternative medicine. I look back and see how the people around her had no answers and thought that she could and would continue living with the pain. I see that woman and what she didn’t have. She didn’t have a wise aunt, grandmother or elder. She didn’t know what a pain body or a shadow self was. She didn’t know she needed a spiritual healer.

In truth, the pain sunk down further into her shadow and was buried deeply so it could hide from the society that could not support her truth. It appeared in many different ways, always expressing itself the way nature intended. The pain was the unacknowledged emotions and experiences from her childhood that needed to be brought to my conscious mind to be healed. There was a reason that it couldn’t arise. I wouldn’t have been able to handle the truth and I would have committed suicide. My body did what it needed to do to survive, it suppressed the wound to keep me alive.

What I needed was a spiritual healer to guide me into my own shadow to do the work of uncovering the wound that was causing the pain. I needed rest and a strong support system. I needed a community of understanding, empathetic people to support my healing. None of that existed in my world at the time.

After years of suffering and a major spiritual awakening, it is clear to me that every dis ease has an emotional and spiritual component. These experiences all led me to my spiritual mission.

Part of my spiritual mission was to learn how to navigate my own shadow and see in great detail how the body expresses its dis content. It is to become aware of the fact that I am a lightworker. I am a being that has chosen to have a spiritual experience on earth to bring more light to the planet by illuminating darkness, beginning with my own darkness. It is my spiritual mission to show others, through my path in life how detrimental it is to ourselves and our loved ones to ignore the spiritual messages that the divine is sending each and every day. I am a self healer and a cycle breaker.

That beautiful young woman with heartburn was having that pain for a reason. Her childhood was so lonely, devastating and dangerous that she felt that killing herself was the only way out. She felt this way because her life was threatened on several occasions without anyone to acknowledge her, comfort her or make appropriate changes in her surroundings.

I spent five years navigating my shadow full time and healing myself and now that I have come out the other side, I know that the pain she was experiencing was 100% valid and accurate. The right solution was not a proton pump inhibitor and levothyroxine. The solution was inner child work combined with major diet, lifestyle and mindset change. It was to reconnect with the divinity she was born with to enhance her intuition and reclaim the abilities that she was born with so that she could help others see the light inside themselves.

For those of you whose hearts burn for a better life and planet, there is a way. It won’t be comfortable or easy. You will need a wise elder and a very supportive community. There are now two paths for beings on Earth at this time. Your choices are the old ways or the New Earth. You decide with your intention and actions. God is watching.